Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
