You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize