so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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