her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
