sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize