It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
