oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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