We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
