did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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