Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
