Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
