I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
