Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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