____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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