He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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