I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
