Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
