I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
