You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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