Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my shit smells like andre
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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