I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
