I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
