YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
