My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
