i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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