im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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