Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
