I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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