Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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