This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize