I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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