I'm eating all of the evidence.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
