I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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