I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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