I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
