You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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