batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
