Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
