I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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