Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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