How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
