You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Never underestimate the power of titties
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
