I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
