he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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