he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We need to rekindle our bromance
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize