First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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