He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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