just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
