The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
