Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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