I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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