I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
