Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
