how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
