i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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