you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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