Porn is love you can see.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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