I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
