i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
