got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
