no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
