what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
